An open letter to Alexander Keith, my son.
I really do not know where to begin with this letter, I know I have been struggling with the idea of writing one for some time. So I got to thinking that I should just jump in and write. It may make sense and it definitely may not make sense.
I love you. I was scared to love you when I found out I was pregnant with you because I was scared to lose you, but boy do I freely love you and every day that love grows more and more. I did not know it was possible to love someone that I haven’t even met yet, but here I am feeling you flip flop about inside my belly and my heart just grows and grows with each passing day. Your dads love does too. He loves laying his head on my belly to feel you move about. He can’t wait to see you, to hold you, to kiss you, and to be there for you.
I have my hopes and prayers for you Xander. I pray that you are healthy, strong, and silly. I want you to feel comfortable doing little quirky things that can make me or your dad laugh. I pray that you won’t take yourself too seriously unless the situation needs to be taken seriously. I pray that you can laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. I pray that you make mistakes and learn from them. It is okay to make mistakes, we all do, it is part of being human. It is what we do with those mistakes that counts. I pray that you can come to me or your dad anytime for anything you need. I also pray that if we say no to something, that if you get angry at us, you will let that pass in time. We are only wanting the best for you. I pray that you have an overactive imagination and that you know how to have fun. I pray that your childhood is spent with your head in the clouds, much like mine and your fathers were. I will warn you though you might get some bad grades because of this once you are in school and we will have to ‘scold’ you for it. I pray that you secretly will continue to imagine and to learn and grow through your imagination. Some of the best people, artists, professors, inventors, scientists, etc. all had something brewing in their minds at one point – and I am sure at one point they were all scolded in school for being dreamers. Your dad was. I was. BE a dreamer. Do not be afraid of that.
I pray that you will grow strong spiritually and have a relationship with God. That if you decide to follow a different path than the one your dad and I follow, you do so with a strong foundation of why you chose a different path. I hope you can ask questions and I hope you seek answers. Always have a strong foundation for anything you do. I pray that your dad and I will help with that, but I know once you get older it is going to be all on you. I pray you will be comfortable to talk to us about spirituality. Never be afraid. Pray. Always pray. Find yourself scared, confused, angry – talk it out to God. I do, even in my car driving alone. God wants to hear our fears, rants, and praises. Never forget to give thanks when something is worth giving thanks for. And I don’t mean just on big things either. Give praise for a sunny day, give praise for that favorite song of yours that pops on the radio, give praise for anything and everything that you can think of. Pray and praise.
I pray that you will grow up to be a good man. Trustworthy to your friends, honorable to your coworkers, reliable to anyone you make a deal with, and most of all become a kindhearted, gentle, caring, honorable boyfriend/fiance/husband. You have three great men to look up to: Your dad, and your two grandfathers. They are not without their faults, and I hope you will remember that no one is perfect so don’t try to be. But these three men in your life show a wonderful example. All of them are each their own, but each bring such goodness and wisdom. They are strong in their love for God, they are kind and generous to their families, they are hard workers no matter what they do whether it be in the office or at home. If you ever need another guy to talk to I pray you can go to either of them without fear, without embarrassment, without shame. They will be there for you no matter what. I know that there will be plenty of times mom just won’t cut it, and if that is the case, I pray again you can go to them openly.
Have fun, dance, sing, be silly, paint something, learn an instrument or two, go on stage, try a sport, go hiking, camping, travel around, take photos, share laughter and sadness with those that love you, make mistakes, learn from mistakes, fall in love, and most of all Be Yourself.
I pray for so many things for you. I know I am missing some here. New prayers are added nearly everyday I know new prayers will be added everyday you grow up. From be safe on the roads when I let you go drive to your friends for the first time, to prayers of you getting a job somewhere that you really want. To prayers for you being a good dad one day to a son or daughter. Whatever it may be, you are always in my heart, my thoughts, my prayers. The love I have for you simply grows with each passing day and I pray that even in those days you find yourself embarrassed by me and your dad, you will always know that we love you. That with us, you have a family.
With all my heart,